a little pick me up

Lately I've been feeling a little discouraged with myself. I've been feeling like I'm the way too common factor in every rocky path my friendships take. And I am. However, today I talked to my childhood friend Sarah D (she and I go all the way back to preteen angst and my first eyebrow tweeze, haha) We were catching up and I beelined it to my current state of confusion and she had just the answer I needed. I told her how I'm starting to see my flaws in a new light, how I hold grudges and pull away when people hurt me. It's a defense mechanism, and I don't know how to turn it off. Even if the offending person apologizes I still feel like I have some kind of right to be mad.

She told me that I shouldn't be so down on myself, we all have flaws, no one is perfect. She made it seem so easy, like all I have to do is not think about it so much and just live. She's right, I expect perfection from myself and my friends. And when I (or anyone else) show my imperfections I panic. I get disappointed and I think that the world is ending. I've forgotten how beautiful and unique our imperfections are. She also gave me an outsiders view on myself, a much needed boost to my self esteem. She told me about my wedding...

She told me how the whole room swirled with happiness, and it was all centered on me. She told me that she was jealous of me, the way my friends talked like I was the best person they had ever met, the way Luke looked at me, how I exuded joy and peace. She said she cried at how beautifully I interacted with every guest and how I had everyone in the room captivated. She told me how proud she was of me, and how glad she is that we are friends.

 I needed that today because I've been feeling like an outsider. The one no one wants in their group but puts up with because of the super awesome person they come with. I'm sure that's probably not true, but I thrive on the acceptance of others and I've lost that feeling lately. I'm on the path to finding the acceptance and confidence I need from God and not from an outside source. But for today, my outside source was an old friends with a welcomed message. :) 

much love and optimism for tomorrow,
a s h l e y